That’s Not What She Said at All

3

December 19, 2011 by rebelwithalabelmaker

Me:  Are you ever sad to be married to me because I get in the way of you surrounding yourself with quality and beauty?  I mean, I'm kind of the reason we can't have nice things. 

Gary:  You are my nice thing.

Me:  Aww, that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.  Also, that's what she said.

Gary:  That's what who said? 

Me:  You know.  Like, the joke.  The "That's What She Said" joke.

Gary looks confused.

 

At this point, I should have taken a leaf out of David's book, who would always make great use of the internet in this type of situation.  When he was in his early teens, I said "David, we should talk about sex," and he said "I'd rather not–can't I just forward you websites with whatever information you need?"  Anyways, the people at Urban Dictionary always do a great job of explaining whatever I need to know, and I should have tapped into their definition rather than tried to make up my own explanation, which resulted in a very awkward conversation.  Something along the lines of:

Gary:  What who said?  Who is that joke referring to?

Liz:  Well, "she" is kind of like a woman that the person making the joke slept with.  In this case, it's like I slept with her and she said "you are my nice thing."  (Pause).  Haven't you ever heard David say that?

Gary:  I always thought he was making inappropriate jokes about his fiancé. 

Liz (reassuringly):  Oh no, he's definitely not referring to his fiancé.  Don't worry.

Gary:  I'm not sure that is as much better as you seem to think.

Liz:  The "she" is not a real person.  It's like a joke people make when they want to imply that they've slept with a woman recently.

Gary:  Why do you want to imply that you slept with a woman recently?

Liz:  It's just what people say.  Don't worry.

Gary:  Why don't people say "That's what he said" sometimes?  If they are heterosexual women, married to men?

Liz:  That's not right.  If there was no consistency, then David and I couldn't develop a funny pattern.  It's better if it's always the same.

Gary:  So it's funnier if you're joking about sleeping with the same person as your son is joking about sleeping with?

Liz:  There's no actual person who said anything–you get that, right?

Gary:  Yes, I'm familiar with how you tell a story.

 Liz:  No, this is not just embellishment, there's supposed to be no grain of truth.  It's like a tradition in goofiness.  Don't worry–we're just being spoof-inappropriately funny.

 Gary:  Ah.  Spoof-inappropriate.  I think maybe you should specify that when you make the joke.

(pause).

Gary:  Are you going to put this on the internet?

Me:  Absolutely.   Well, sort of.  And embellished and edited version.  The funny parts.

Gary:  Which parts were the funny parts?

Me:  Don't worry.

(pause, in which I explain about urban dictionary.com).

Gary:  So you can look up any colloquial phrase and they'll explain to you how and when to use it?

Me:  Yup, isn't it great?

Gary:  You should look up "don't worry".

3 thoughts on “That’s Not What She Said at All

  1. you two make me smile…
    Dr. Groot & His Nice Thing
    love to your family!

  2. Jason says:

    As usual, you provided my morning laugh at work.

  3. Taran says:

    You are hilarious. Although, I must admit my brain kinda broke when you referred to David as having a fiancee. Isn’t he still like twelve? 😉

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