December 19, 2011 by rebelwithalabelmaker
Me: Are you ever sad to be married to me because I get in the way of you surrounding yourself with quality and beauty? I mean, I'm kind of the reason we can't have nice things.
Gary: You are my nice thing.
Me: Aww, that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard. Also, that's what she said.
Gary: That's what who said?
Me: You know. Like, the joke. The "That's What She Said" joke.
Gary looks confused.
At this point, I should have taken a leaf out of David's book, who would always make great use of the internet in this type of situation. When he was in his early teens, I said "David, we should talk about sex," and he said "I'd rather not–can't I just forward you websites with whatever information you need?" Anyways, the people at Urban Dictionary always do a great job of explaining whatever I need to know, and I should have tapped into their definition rather than tried to make up my own explanation, which resulted in a very awkward conversation. Something along the lines of:
Gary: What who said? Who is that joke referring to?
Liz: Well, "she" is kind of like a woman that the person making the joke slept with. In this case, it's like I slept with her and she said "you are my nice thing." (Pause). Haven't you ever heard David say that?
Gary: I always thought he was making inappropriate jokes about his fiancé.
Liz (reassuringly): Oh no, he's definitely not referring to his fiancé. Don't worry.
Gary: I'm not sure that is as much better as you seem to think.
Liz: The "she" is not a real person. It's like a joke people make when they want to imply that they've slept with a woman recently.
Gary: Why do you want to imply that you slept with a woman recently?
Liz: It's just what people say. Don't worry.
Gary: Why don't people say "That's what he said" sometimes? If they are heterosexual women, married to men?
Liz: That's not right. If there was no consistency, then David and I couldn't develop a funny pattern. It's better if it's always the same.
Gary: So it's funnier if you're joking about sleeping with the same person as your son is joking about sleeping with?
Liz: There's no actual person who said anything–you get that, right?
Gary: Yes, I'm familiar with how you tell a story.
Liz: No, this is not just embellishment, there's supposed to be no grain of truth. It's like a tradition in goofiness. Don't worry–we're just being spoof-inappropriately funny.
Gary: Ah. Spoof-inappropriate. I think maybe you should specify that when you make the joke.
Gary: Are you going to put this on the internet?
Me: Absolutely. Well, sort of. And embellished and edited version. The funny parts.
Gary: Which parts were the funny parts?
Me: Don't worry.
(pause, in which I explain about urban dictionary.com).
Gary: So you can look up any colloquial phrase and they'll explain to you how and when to use it?
Me: Yup, isn't it great?
Gary: You should look up "don't worry".