Contrary To How It Might Appear, I Am Not Hitting On The Exterminator

6

August 28, 2012 by rebelwithalabelmaker

Normally, I do not do product endorsements.  Well, one time I considered putting a “pesticide free” sign on our lawn, but then I realized that might be taken more as a warning than as an endorsement.

But I have to say, if you are looking for an exterminator in Saskatoon, Kreepy Kritters is awesome.  Not Kreepy at all.  In fact, the main guy looks kind of like Captain America.  All clean cut and such.  And very understanding if you happen to be, say, hysterical.  Apparently, he gets that a lot from people who have bed bugs.  Of course, I become hysterical in odd ways.

Me:  Which chemical are you using?

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Cyfluthrin.

Me:  Oh good.  I spent the weekend reading Pest Control Professional Journals, and I was hoping that was the one you are using because the bed bugs don’t avoid walking across it and because of how long it stays active.  It’s a very good chemical.

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Um, thanks.  I thought so too.  It stays active for 30 days.

Me:  Well, that’s what they say on the label, but in lab settings it lasts way longer.  In one study, 120 days.  I’m just saying, I’m glad you’re using that one because it’s my favourite.

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Oh.  Um, great.

Me:  I’ve been running trials on dry ice versus yeast and sugar for bed bug traps.  Would you like to see my dead bugs?

Okay, I didn’t ask if he wanted to see my dead bugs.  But we did discuss the merits of the two types of traps–and he had questions about what I was learning.  A big part of the reason I think he’s an awesome exterminator is how assessment oriented he is, and how he talks in terms of bug behaviour.  Other Exterminator Company, does not do this.  They have no assessment at all–they just book an appointment to treat, and treat everyone the same way.

Kreepy Kritters Guy asked a lot of questions, looked around, and spent a fair bit of time educating me not only on how to maximize the effectiveness of the chemical but also how to avoid spreading the bugs.  Which you, my friends and loyal readers, will appreciate.

Apparently, bed bugs do not spread online, so you can read this blog safely.  In theory, anyway.  Preliminary field testing, however, has shown that although it doesn’t cause actual bites, my blog can cause itchiness.

I was initially very suspicious of Kreepy Kritters Guy, because he claimed that in over 90% of cases, only one treatment is required.  He offers a guarantee.

Me:  That doesn’t line up with what I’ve read on the internet.  What do you mean you can guarantee treatment?

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  I mean that if you need more treatments, they’re free.

As you’d expect with an infestation that was left untreated for almost a year*, we were not in the 90% that can be cured in one treatment.  I offered to help pay for the second treatment, since we are a highly unusual case (nearly all rooms infested, high numbers of bugs, home owner who calls every day citing journal articles and inventing bed bug treatment options).  Kreepy Kritters Guy refused this flatly, stating that he charges a fee for extermination–period.  Not extermination attempts.

Or, fortunately for me, phone calls.

Me:  The bugs hate movement.  If I put Eric in the old massage chair from the garage, would the bugs not bite him?

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Um, I don’t know.  I don’t think anyone’s ever tried that.  It’s an, um, novel idea.

Me:  I know.  I couldn’t find any journal articles covering that approach.

I decided not to tell him about my plans for a passive solar closet that you can put in your yard to kill the bugs in your clothes using the heat of the sun.

Gary:  I think we should go with the clothes dryer.  We know it gets hot enough.

Me:  This would, too.  Like a solar oven.  You know those stories of mean kids using magnifying glasses to kill bugs on the sidewalk?

Gary:  Please don’t put my clothes in that thing.

Me:  I’d better call the exterminator for his opinion.

I have been so impressed with Kreepy Kritters Guy that I asked him to have a look at the old house, too.  I am hoping that I will qualify for the Frequent Infestation Rewards Program soon.  First I have to convince him to invent such a program, which in my opinion sounds very professional and FIRPy.

Me:  The ants are new, but we’ve had the mice for years.  The other exterminator said that there’s no place he can see where they could be coming in, and we had the entire house re-sided to cover any invisible cracks, and the contractor also says–

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  (reaching underneath one jut out beside the chimney and pulling out a tuft of insulation–literally 90 seconds after arriving):  They’re coming in right here.  You need to put a tight fitting board across this insulation–they’re burrowing through it.

Me:  Wow.  Can I write about you on my blog?

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Sure.  I get that a lot.

Me:  I bet.  We’ve been fighting these mice for years and nobody could figure out how they were getting in.

Kreepy Kritters Guy:  Also, your back door is hanging wide open.  Did you know that?

*”Almost a year” is defined as eight months.  Meaning, reader not named Carol did not sell us a bed buggy house, just for the record.  Did not want to commit that blogging faux pas of accusing my readers of infesting me with bugs…

6 thoughts on “Contrary To How It Might Appear, I Am Not Hitting On The Exterminator

  1. Not named Carol says:

    Wonderful blog post!
    BUT “…left untreated for almost a year” — Friend not named Carol protests. Eight months is not “almost a year.” If people believed this claim, they might think Friend not named Carol had bugs and never warned the Hummingbird Homemaker.
    However, the claim that reading a blog can produce itching is true. Has been true for almost a year, in fact.

  2. Liz says:

    Duly noted–have added an appendix. Would not wish for readers who know not-Carol to think negatively of him. That said, readers who know not-Carol and I are probably pretty clear on the likelihood of me exaggerating vs the likelihood of him tricking me into buying bed bugs… just saying…

  3. Juliet Sarjeant says:

    Thinking I need more of your expertise, but I might phone the Kreepy dude himself…

    • What? Juliet, please tell me you mean because he looks like Captain America, not that you think you might have bedbugs?

      • Juliet Sarjeant says:

        Happy to note that Captain America came by on Monday and said the weird things I have all over my body are NOT bedbug bites. (I am sure that he didn’t appreciate that he had to inspect my pasty-white legs to come to that conclusion!)There goes a few weeks of lost sleep.
        Now to figure out what ails me! Maybe the Mongolian Mingles?

      • I think you should take that as a compliment, because he totally only needed to look at our HOUSE when he was checking us for bugs… I’m really glad it’s not bed bugs… have you checked with your GP?

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