September 20, 2012 by rebelwithalabelmaker
It's is a complete double standard, because he is married to someone else. Which I probably should clarify, now, since I've never actually explained this part on the blog. Be warned, it's not particularly funny. Even though it sounds like it might be, from the description.
Gary and I met when I started nannying his kids, because his wife was very ill with schizophrenia. That was fifteen years ago. After a couple of years, his wife who is not named Valerie sat me down and said "I'm not getting any better, I'm going to get worse and I'm going to end up permanently institutionalized. I want you to marry Gary and raise my kids." and I said "Ewww, he's too old." Actually I said that part in my head. Out loud, I said "you're going to get better soon". But I was wrong.
I didn't marry Gary, though, because that would require that he and Valerie get a divorce, and she really didn't want that. She was good with us being a family and having kids and all that, but wanted to still have him be her husband. I figured that she'd lost more than enough already, and also I hate paperwork so we had a commitment ceremony and that was that. It's no big deal except to Revenue Canada who kept sending us confused letters but eventually that's all been sorted out and Gary has two wives according to the government. Even though they said that was illegal–but they can be hypocrites like that.
So, I'm sure you've already realized the central point of this story, which is that I have a spare marriageability I am not even using. Which I never properly appreciated until American Unitarian Ministers trying to work in Canada started having immigration troubles. So I started asking Gary if I could marry various people, and he kept saying no, because he's grumpy like that and doesn't care about helping people. But I kept letting it go, because when you're not-married to someone you learn to overlook the little things. And because if I get all "stop being hypocritical" with him, there is a chance he will point out that I freak out if he leaves his socks on the chair even though we live in a house that looks like a Lego store came over and started projectile vomiting.
So this morning, I texted him asking if I could marry Kimberly Rivera, and I expected him to be all "who is Kimberly Rivera" but he just texted back "no" because he is the middle of a fancy conference in some big city right now and doesn't have a lot of time. Which is too bad because if he were home I could explain how that's really hypocritical because she's being deported for refusing to fight in a war that Gary completely agreed was wrong. Him and Harper, I might point out.
Me: But then she could stay in Canada.
Gary: Not likely.
Apparently, you have to convince people that you're actually in love for the marriage to count towards your staying-in-Canada points, and Gary doesn't think that the government would believe Kimberly and I are in love. Which I thought was pretty heterosexist of him. Apparently, he's okay with lesbians, but only if they aren't married to him. Well, married to him according to certain parts of the government but not others–which as I understand it is also how they do it in the United States.
Anyway, the bottom line is that the government may question the validity of Kimberly and me's marriage–citing things like, say, this blog entry.
Then he suggested our friend who is not named Steven, who is also single, and I texted "why would I marry him, he's already a Canadian" and Gary texted that he meant for Kimberly to marry Steven. Which is a great idea because Steven totally said he would put his name on the letter to the government, so refusing to marry her would be kind of hypocritical at this point.
But then I realized how totally inappropriate it would be for me to email Steven and suggest this because he would think I was suggesting him just because he's gay. And when you think about it that is incredibly offensive, so I will avoid embarrassing myself by just blogging about it instead.
So now I am back to plan A which is not going to work because Gary is apparently all anti gay marriage. Of course, if he were home he would point out that he is actually very supportive of gay marriage for people who are, you know, gay. And that if anybody is being hypocritical, it's Stephen. Stephen Harper, I mean (please do try to keep up), who is deporting someone for refusing to fight in a war he said was wrong.
I know, I know, if we let her stay then everyone will want to live here because we spend all our time skipping and singing and getting free operations and same sex marriages (which is great for a small percentage of us, but for the majority who don't need the operations and are fairly heterosexual, it actually gets kind of awkward at times). I'm not saying let everyone in. I figure that the fact that Kimberly's been told that she'll face prosecution when she returns to the states is grounds for a little help. She'll be thrown in jail for refusing to do the very stuff that most of us, including Harper, said was immoral and unjust. It kind of seems like time to back her up.
Because some kinds of hypocrisy are a bigger deal than Lego on the living room rug.